01
Ask
Start with an answer that can be no
Ask whether shoulder massage sounds good, which areas are welcome, and how the receiving partner will request lighter, move, or stop.
- A no ends the plan
- Permission is area-specific
- Agree on a hand signal
02
Touch
Use broad palms over the shoulder muscles
Stand or sit comfortably, place broad hands on the upper shoulders away from the neck, and use slow compression rather than digging with thumbs.
- Avoid the spine
- Stay off the front and side of the neck
- Keep pressure light to moderate
03
Close
Finish with less pressure and a check-in
Reduce contact gradually, remove the hands, and ask how the person feels before they stand. Their feedback is not a grade for the giver.
- Accept changed consent
- Do not defend discomfort
- Stop for neurological symptoms